The Perfect Woman: Trad Wife, Boss Babe, or Something Else?

It seems like everywhere women look these days we’re bombarded through legacy and social media as to what a “perfect” woman should look like, do, and be. Is she a busty-blonde or the girl-next-door type? Is the perfect woman a trad wife or a businesswoman? Even men, these days, have somehow slipped on dresses and inserted themselves into women’s spaces, in a poor attempt to show that even men can now embrace womanhood and be the perfect woman too (insert strong eyeroll here). With so many voices competing as to what true femininity looks like, it’s left some of us gals feeling overwhelmed, inadequate, and even ugly. So, what is true womanhood, and what does it mean to be a modern, feminine woman in the world today?

The TRAD WIFE

Over the past few years, the term “Trad Wife” became really popular and the conservative movement seemed to run with it. If you’ve been living under a rock, a trad wife can come in a few versions (think 50’s housewife-esque or crunchy, live-on-a-farm type vibes) but overall, it’s the woman who stays home, bakes bread, submits to her husband, dresses modestly, and homeschools all of their 6.5 children. To be clear, if this is you; there is nothing wrong with this. It’s great if you can and want to do this for your family and at first I was fully supportive of this being the ideal for all women. You’re telling me I get to stay home and bake bread all day while my husband goes to work – sign me up!! 

Slowly, as I continued to dive into watching this movement and continually hearing it hailed as “the only way for a woman to be”, I started to get resentful. I started resenting all these women that got to stay at home while I went to work. Did I love my job? Yes, but that’s not the point. Do we have kids yet? Also, no, but I could take up baking, right? Why wasn’t my husband telling me to quit my job so he could support me while I stayed at home and frolicked in dresses all day?! 

Eventually, I processed my feelings, and realized that while I admired this lifestyle, it wasn’t my season to experience, and it for sure doesn’t need to be placed on a pedestal as the only way for women to exist. 

The BOSS BABE 

So, basically, imagine the exact OPPOSITE of a tradwife and you’ll get the picture. This woman is a hustler by day and a party-girl by night. She spends her weekends attending Pilates classes and brunching with 12 of her closest friends. Through some God-ordained miracle (that I wouldn’t understand) her hair, nails, clothes, shoes, bag and Botox are always perfect. The Boss Babe maintains this pricey lifestyle with her high-paying job at her high-demand career and she’s never tired because she spends all her free-time doing self-care (see above). She’s an independent woman that doesn’t need no man and isn’t planning to get married until she’s at least 35 (if even then) and “she’s not seeing kids in her future”. 

The Boss Babe was my idea of the perfect woman for some time. After spending way too long in college partying and getting in touch with my feminist side, I finally landed my first big-girl job at a real estate firm, and I was super excited! I figured my social life would end after college, but little did I know, the corporate world is where the real parties were at! (That’s a story for another time). My schedule was filled with happy-hours and lunch dates and yoga. I finally had extra money to pay for clothes and makeup I couldn’t afford before. I looked into my future and thought… I could be rich!! 

And while I have (and do) very much enjoy my career; I can tell you, the lunch dates get old, the nails break, and the days under fluorescent lights drag by. In the days I was living by myself, it could get lonely coming home to an empty apartment every night.

TRUE FEMININITY 

If we really are searching for what true femininity looks like, it’s only going to be found in Christ. In the Bible, we can read God’s Word to find out what this looks like. Shockingly enough, the term Trad Wife nor Boss Babe is found anywhere in the Bible, but we can find something else. The woman described in Proverbs 31 is a great place to start as she is described as faithful, wise, strong, courageous, compassionate, and hardworking. She is prepared, loves God, and takes care of her family. Proverbs 31:25-27 reads, 

“She is clothed with strength and dignity, 

and she laughs without fear of the future. 

When she speaks, her words are wise, 

and she gives instructions with kindness. 

She carefully watches everything in her household 

and suffers nothing from laziness.” 

So, does God want me to be a Trad Wife or a Boss Babe? Which one of these embodies the “perfect woman”?

The PERFECT WOMAN IN YOU

True femininity isn’t so much about what your life looks like on the outside, but more about what your inner character reflects. Are you faithful with what God gives you? Do you use wise discernment in all situations? Do you speak up when needed? Do you work hard in whatever it is you do? Your life circumstance and the specifics of what that looks like is profoundly personal to your unique giftings and situation. It also will likely change as you navigate various seasons. Maybe you’re a single mom and have to work outside the home full-time; or maybe you’re a mom that loves her career! Some women are married with kids and homeschooling (bless you) and some are single and don’t want kids. None of these situations define your womanhood or make you less-than or better-than. No matter what you or your life looks like; it’s your character that matters, not everything else. That, my dears, is what’s important.

So, is the Trad Wife or Boss Babe life inherently bad? No, but just like anything, neither is for everyone, and all situations are nuanced and need context. And I can promise as with everything in life, it’s not always greener on the other side.

Xoxo, 

Cassie

Are you a classy, conservative, gen Z or millennial woman located in NC or elsewhere? Follow @conservativewomenofnc for a community of like-minded women and local sorority opportunities.  

By Cassie Ingelhart

Cassie is obsessed with the intersection of where politics and pop culture collide. She is a former agnostic-liberal-feminist turned Christian-conservative-wifey and lives with her husband and their two dogs in Salt Lake City, UT.